I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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