They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
