I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
