You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
