pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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