Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we made out on top of his cat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
