is your mom at the bar?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
