Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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