we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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