just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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