I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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