i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
