lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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