Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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