Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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