last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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