And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
