I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
