I just saw a hot homeless man
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
