the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
