I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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