If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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