Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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