Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
