Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
