Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize