why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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