tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He did a backflip because drugs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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