what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize