There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
