Just fell off a train. Bad.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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