I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
