Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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