Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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