Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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