anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
