saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
