We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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