I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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