How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
