your thong is hanging out like whoa
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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