She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
