Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize