my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
