woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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