You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
