direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
