Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
