Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
