I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
