Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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