Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
