CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
