oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
