Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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