question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
