I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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