He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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