i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
