I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Boobs are out for the taking
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
