Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
