I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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