shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
