Well douche your snatch and let's go!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
