I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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