dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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