the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
