The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
